I think it’s pretty safe to say that I have become a broken record.
I’ve been struggling…honestly, part of me can’t say it’s been a struggle, because in many ways it seems like I haven’t even be trying.
The end goal is in the back of my mind…it’s in the back of my mind when I don’t go to the gym…it’s in the back of my mind when I stuff myself during the day out of boredom…it’s in the back of my mind when I basically do everything that I know I shouldn’t be doing right now.
Ugh.
I’ve made big claims about getting back on track, hitting the reset button, working out everyday, and all that jazz…but honestly, I’m going nowhere fast.
You’ve all been super encouraging and completely awesome, but I haven’t taken up any of your advice, I haven’t responded to your offers of help, I have been bad about emails, I have been bad about twitter. I’m sorry for all of that. I love and appreciate all of you and everything you have done for me…I just, don’t know 
And yeah, I mean, I HAVE been busy. Work, school and the like, but those issues were always there and I still managed to at least kick some ass, but now I’ve let it all overwhelm me.
I want to scream, but more than that I want to get on track. I want to stop making empty promises and actually do this thing. I want to learn from my failures and move on, and not allow them to overwhelm me.
I wish I could say that this post would serve as a catalyst to that change, but honestly, the post few posts were suppose to serve as that catalyst. So yeah, there’s that.
Oh yeah, there is supposed to be a Status Report this week, but honestly, I don’t want to know.
.
.
There is SOME good to report though…I turned 26 last Friday, and I had a really nice birthday. I hung out with some friends, saw Iron Man 2, and got a huge Best Buy giftcard which went towards the purchase of a Xbox 360 and Final Fantasy XIII. WooT!
I’m also fully intending on keeping with the Maryland Half Marathon this weekend. My motivation may be in the shitter, but I have (and never had) any intention of calling it quits on that.
Sorry for the rambling. Hope you have a good day.
.
And by the way, this post in entirely thanks to MrsFatass…if it wasn’t for her I would have probably stayed under my rock until I had something better to report. Thank you for making me put myself out there 
I know exactly what you’re saying, and I hope this weekend will be a motivator for you.
Wow. You work fast. All that was missing was a THANKS MRS FATASS FOR BULLYING ME INTO POSTING AGAIN.
Listen. We all go through this. But I DEMAND you don’t ignore me because I adore you no matter where in the process you find yourself. You’ll find your way back. I have faith in you.
MrsFatass´s last blog ..the fatass blog is no infomercial
STeve Steve STEVE!!! Been there…many many MANY times. My hand is extended…if you care to take it…The last challenge you hosted got me going in the right direction…maybe you need a pledge…to get going again! Lemme know what/if I can do to help!
Glad to see you back – I keep sneaking back under my rock and need to stop it…
why are you making excuses not to see yourself as we do…and not to live the life you want to live? dig deep…and we’re not giving up on you..NEVER!
Dude. This is going to sound really simplistic, but… If you WANT it, do it. Don’t fret or analyze, or make excuses, or worry or wonder… Just do it. Make your decision. Make your plan, and then DO IT. You know you can so why put it off any longer?
XX Renêe
If it was easy all the time there would be nothing to blog about or any reason to, we would all just do it.
I can’t wait to hear all about the half marathon, you will have a blast and its all fora good cause.
Alison´s last blog ..Monday, Again, Really?
Hey bud. I’m right there with you! I’m trying to find my way back to the healthy lifestyle. We were doing so well…but I haven’t given up, I’m just on a hiatus! hehe. I swear I haven’t, and I know you haven’t either. We should set a date to get back on the same wagon together…I’m thinking June 1
May has been and will continue to be SO busy and sooooo fun…I’m glad you had a happy birthday. I dunno about you, but this “off” month has been ten times more fun than the past few months…I think I needed a break to get back on track!
We’ve all been there, and some of us over and over again. I’m glad you’re back to posting, and I think we’ll all still be here reading even if it turns out that you have nothing amazing to post for a while. Just keep posting, keep us all informed, and we’ll keep helping, whether you listen or not. We’re stubborn like that.
I don’t know if this will help, but I am just coming out of the place you’re at. I was all systems go for a while and then, about 6 weeks ago, just…pffft. I don’t know why, I don’t know what, I don’t know how. And I don’t really know why it changed and why now I feel more able to make the hard, and good, choices to get back on track. All I know is that you should read my post today. To sum it up: never give up. The only wait to guarantee failure is to give up; the way to ensure success is to never, never, EVER give up.
You know what Steve? I’m done.
Ha! No way, man! Hang in there. Just going through the motions, even when you don’t want to will probably help. It’s been a struggle for me ever since my vacation (both at work and at workign out), but just showing up every day is better than hiding, you know? You’ll find your way through, and we’ll all be there cheering for you when you emerge. In fact, we’re all cheering for you right now. Just come on out and join us!
Wow, so proud of you for posting this–it would have been easy for you to just slide right back into your old ways, but you haven’t (at least not completely). That rocks!
Words of wisdom…none, but words of experience, now those I have. We’ve all been in your situation, even those lucky people they don’t have weight issues. You should keep focusing on what you have accomplished and what you want to accomplish. Don’t waste time thinking about why you aren’t to your goal yet or any of the negative stuff. Most importantly, you need to lean on your support group. Accepting help is a sign of strength, so be super strong!
You know, starting off isn’t the hard part and finishing up isn’t the hard part.
The hard part is staying motivated for the long, hard slog in between Point A and Point B.
Here’s hoping you get your second wind soon…
I have been where you are many a times. Feeling like you want to move forward but whatever is going on in life keeps setting you back. Don’t give up. Make the choice to just do it. When you have set backs, pick up and move on. It’s a vicious cycle. I still struggle with it.
Hey man, I’m happy to see you still kicking and screaming. I know how hard it can be to find the motivation at times. I’ve been there myself lately. I know you can do this – and know that we’re all here rooting for you!
Brandon´s last blog ..I’m starting to feel like a runner
we have all been there.
if not in the realm of running or exercise then with something else.
HANG ON
HANG IN
LET US CARRY YOU FOR A WHILE.
Carla
Um, so scream. Really. It might help.
You GOT this. I believe that more than I can put into a typed comment.
Steve, I feel your pain. I really feel your pain. I’ve been there. I think we all have been at times. That being said we all believe in you. Even when you’re in the spot where you are right now, we all believe in you. You will get back into the program. I hope the race you are running will help get you there. And even if it doesn’t be gentle with yourself. Don’t beat yourself up because that’s just so counter productive. Hang in there man. (((HUGS))).
Lynne Garcia´s last blog ..We are the Champions!!! (Yup, love me some Queen)
We’ve all been there before. Life happens. Wouldn’t it be great if we could pause our lives and focus on getting healthy? But alas, it can’t be that way… unless you won the lottery? (yes?)…. so we struggle through. Just makes the end result that much sweeter.. I love how JackS*it put it…. perfect!
You wanna scream? Scream then! RRRRRAAAAWWWWWRRRRRRRR!!!! Instead of letting it bubble to a boil inside of you, let it out! I scream. ALOT! In the words of Ron White, “I’m a screamer, baby!”
I’m here for you, buddy. We all are. Always. No matter what. Much luv, Steve-O!
Well when the time is right, you will get back on track. Besides, you’re still running the Half. That’s pretty effin’ sweet.
By the way, erm, can you PLEASE get Halo 3 so that when I get my xbox we can Live it and blow things up?
Talk about the BEST way to de-stress.
Jess´s last blog ..Day 107: Think Healthy, Not Thin
That’s sad to hear.
Really you have to make that decision for yourself to change everything and put your healthy as priority number one in your life. Until you do that, you will just keep falling off track and it’ll be hard for you to succeed.
If it’s something you really want to do, then it should be your top priority until you reach you goals.
Lots of luck to you.
Jay´s last blog ..Officially Bellow 200 Pounds – 139 Pounds Lost
Happy Birthday, and good luck with your race this weekend. We’re all still pulling for you. I’ve been struggling with motivation, particularly for exercise, recently, too. I’m in the process of getting back on track, but it’s definitely an uphill climb!
Chad´s last blog ..Weekly Weigh-In: Everything’s Bigger in Texas?
Steve. I dont have much advice to give you… Have you tried pulling a forest gump? Just start running, or walking and dont stop till you can move through.
Ed´s last blog ..The Diagnosis.
Dude if it was easy we wouldn’t need all this blogging stuff to keep us going. I submit you need an exercise you enjoy, something you can really look forward to. It may be something crazy like rock climbing, who knows.
The good news is you’ve got an X Box and you’re probably gonna forget to eat for about 3 days while you dominate FF.
-Joe
Joe´s last blog ..Tips For Your First Race
Steve, I just need to point out that YOU ROCK. Thank you for sharing your struggles with us. I think anyone turning their life around and making the decision to become healthy faces exactly what you’re dealing with, and it sucks. But you have so much resolve (Hello? Half-marathon??) and you’ll get past this. Speedbumps and roadblocks are definitely a part of the journey. Keep up the awesome work, and keep believing in yourself as much as your loyal e-buddies do!
[...] Steve at 265 and falling, who runs his first half marathon [...]