My first wall...

Oct 222009

So I hit my first wall…

…and it hurt.

My weigh in dissapointed and frustrated me to no end, but I kept on.  I worked out super hard in the gym on Tuesday, watched my food, and carried on with nothing but resolve to do better.

And then I lost it.

It started Wednesday afternoon…after work, I was fine throughout the day, even went and worked out during my lunch break.  As I was signing off, I IMed my co-worker and said “I’m off to the soulsucking torture chamber (ie..the gym), TTYL”.  I don’t know why I said that, I joked in an earlier post about the gym being a “torture chamber” but I honestly didn’t feel that way about it…it was a place to work out, reach my goals, listen to music, get lost in myself a bit, I haven’t in recent history looked at it with such dread. 

I went on with it, get on the ARC Trainer, and trudged along…about 5 minutes into it I said to myself “f*ck this”, and I got off, changed clothes and went home.

Then the bad eating habits crept up on me…dinner was fine, but then I decided I wanted some chips…then a few brownie bites…then I’m raiding the fridge for leftovers.  Overall, I don’t think it was a TOTAL wash, but it should have gone better.

The wall was still up this morning, but I kept trudgin’ and went into the complex’s fitness room for a bit of time on the eliptical.  Then I went home and saw that my roommate brought home Chick Fila for breakfast.  I thought about it “do i need to eat all of this? can i skip the hash browns? etc..etc..”  I ate the whole thing regardless, but thought I could still make up for it.

It was mid morning when the nasty thoughts came on full force. “You still have almost an entire week to work it off, go on, eat.” “Whatever you are trying isn’t working anyway, just say f*ck it.” “It’s not worth the misery. Eating will make you feel better.”

Blah..blah…blah…

I am an emotional eater…if I’m upset, stressed, whatever…I eat.  And so I did, I had some more leftover stuff, some cereal, etc..etc..etc..

I didn’t feel better though, I felt disgusted and EVEN MORE dissapointed in myself.  So I stopped, changed, and went to the gym.  I burnt off another 1487 calories, bring the grand total for today (including the eliptical this morning) to 2061.  I may not have completely undone the damage from my 2 day rampage, but its a step in the right direction.

I also decided to buy a scale, which I should have done before.  I’ve been going by what my supervisors scale (used the Biggest Loser weigh in’s) at work says.  It’s a cheap dial scale, and its moved around constantly, which I heard can mess up the readings over time. 

My new scale is alot nicer (ie..more expensive), has a digital readout that can allow for a decimal point, and will be staying in one spot on the bathroom floor.

I also bought a whiteboard calender, which I hung up beside the scale, and will use to record my weights.

I decided to do this b/c a) I wanted a scale anyway, to use after the Biggest Loser challenge at work ends and so that maybe I can snap a photo of my weigh ins for the blog, and b) because I want to know ahead of time what I am getting myself into.  If I’m gearing up for a bad week, and looking like I’m not going to lose anything, I want to know ahead of time so I can change the gameplan and (try to) guarantee a loss.

Alot of people have different opinions about how often to weigh in, some say its good to weigh almost daily so you know if you are getting off track, and some say its best not to obsess about it and stick w/ weekly weigh in’s.  I do not know what the right answer in, but for right now I think a little obsession might be best.  The blog/twitter/my readers/etc will largely be keeping me in check, but I don’t want to fall into an “out of sight, out of mind” mindset w/ my weight. 

Does that make sense?  No?  I’m rambling?!  Maybe..but its my blog and I’ll cry if I want to :-P

That’s all I got for now, have a good evening everyone!

Status Report: Week 2

Oct 202009

Progress Report: Week 2
Weight: 259 pounds
BMI: 37.2

I lost no mother f&#*ing weight this week. 

F&$%!

I did go into this weigh in very nervous, b/c while I do not think my diet has been completely horrible, it could have been alot better…but…I worked my ASS off in the gym this week, I still had the hope that that would have counted for and help me lose at least something.  I was even at the gym THIS MORNING, for gods sake!

I could say “its okay, weeks like this happen” and I could say “week 2 on the biggest loser always sucks, its normal”…well, I can say it, but I am not going to use it as rationale, because I am PISSED at myself for letting this happen.  It’s too early for a plateau, I just got careless with the food and it nullified all of the good work I did this week.

The goal calorie burn this week is 13,000…on any machine.  I’m also going to incorporate weights and keep a stranglehold on my calorie intake.  It’s too early and I’m still too big to see a number like that.

As far as the Biggest Loser and Team Lean Challenges at work, so far no one else has lost anything either, in my unit or on my team…which still isn’t comforting.

Hope everyone else has a better day.

Mission Accomplished

Oct 192009

This post has been brought to you by the number 909, and the letters Y, A, and Y!  (yeah, yeah, two Y’s..work w/ me here).

909 is the number of calories I burned on the ARC Trainer during my workout today.

YAY! is the exclamation for having beating my goal of burning 10,000 calories this week on the ARC Trainer.

YAY! WooT! F*CK YEAH! etc..etc..etc..

As of yesterday I had burned 9853 calories, and with todays 909 that brings the total to 10,762..which not only exceeded my goal, but also means that I burned the equivalent of 3 pounds off (3500 calories per pound) off on that machine.  Of course, machines like that don’t always have accurate calorie counters, but that STILL is not something to scoff at!

I’m also excited b/c that is the first time EVER that I have set, and achieved, a fitness related goal.

I’ll definitely be setting the bar a bit higher for this next week, but I might also expand beyond the ARC Trainer…and with all that said, I’m still super nervous about tomorrows weigh in.  Workout’s aside, the diet wasn’t awesome (especially over the weekend), and you can work your ass out in the gym all you want, but w/o a good diet you are setting yourself up for failure.

We’ll see how it goes, though.  Hopefully all that work will count for something.

Happy Monday!

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